Example: My dad woke me up at 12:30 in the morning on March 26th to tell me that my sister had rushed my mom to the emergency room in Reno. I posted to Facebook that my dad was getting a flight to Reno and that we really needed some prayer. And just after that, who happened to be up and read my post? An old friend. A great old friend. Who proceeded to message me and tell me he was praying and that everything would be okay. I stayed up, pretty much laying still, sweating in bed. I prayed constantly, knowing my sister must be freaking out, not to mention how my mom was feeling, or the pain she was in. At about 1:30, my dad came in and choked out that she was gone. I am not sure whether I screamed or not, but I felt a horrible gnawing in my stomach as I cried harder than I ever had in my life.
It's nothing like the movies. There's no Sarah Mclachlan song playing in the background of a montage of sad images. The whole day does seem like it took 30 seconds, but that has nothing to do with a person directing my moment. My brothers came out at about 2, and we just... sat. Watched some TV, comforted each other a bit... And so many people just loved on us that day. Some of my best friends came all the way out to my house just to hug me, tell me they loved me, and try their best to make me feel better. So many Facebook messages that I disabled my account because my phone was buzzing so much. Throughout the rest of the year, I had my Troubadours, last year's and this year's, who have been so sweet and have put up with my constant odd behavior and emotional crap; I had my friends carrying me through prom and being with me for my mom's service; I had my best friend this year helping me make graduation plans and making plans to move in together so I would feel like I have something solid to lean on...
So I guess this is where I actually get to the point. This whole story I just told actually has a point, I swear.
My mom was a strong person, and she always tried to push me to be strong and objective and smart. She was the most real person I have ever known. And so this next year, I'm going to create a New Year's Revolution. Everyone always balks at new year's resolutions. No one ever follows through with them and everyone always makes a resolution that they really can't ever achieve. But my goal with this is to grab onto something inside of my generation that won't let go; the idea that we can actually do something incredible.
I have never been a super head strong-ish type person. I don't put myself out there. I'm not a "cautious" girl, but I just don't do what I want. I don't tell people my mind, because I'm so afraid of what they think. But I have nothing to be ashamed of. My family and friends have helped me to realize that I can assert myself. I can let myself express my thoughts, because I'm confident that I'm smart and objective enough to have some pretty dang good insight into things. Cause I like who I am. And this whole Tiara Tuesday thing is meant to be just that. We are children of a God who doesn't want us to hide ourselves under what other people think or our fears of being laughed at. In this day and age, speaking out when you're young isn't encouraged. People don't think our minds are capable of creating something revolutionary. They say, "this generation is going to change the world", but 'when will you let us?'
I don't even know if my thoughts on my New Year's Revolution make sense here, but it's a problem I want all young people to face in the next year. Make them believe in you. Make them see you. Let them know that we're not just immature little kids who "don't know what they're talking about". We are more than what they see.
With it being Christmas season, not to mention this being about when I went to the hospital in Mexico for Mom's treatments, I have been kind of a wreck. I didn't get out of bed for more than 5 minutes at a time on Christmas. (On the plus side of that, I caught up on American Horror Story. Yeah, don't judge...). So that's my reason for doing this revolution. I know I'll go through those days again, and I know that a lot of other people will go through those too. And crying and sitting in bed eating Nutella out of the jar isn't bad! But we should be confident enough to get out of bed the next day or the next week and know that we have someone on our side, and we ARE strong, we ARE beautiful, and we CAN do anything we set our minds too; even if we just start small and set our minds to taking a shower. (But really, that's like a huge struggle for me sometimes...)
I guess I'm saying here that I am SO grateful for my strong people around me. I have been all over the place throughout the year, I have had God through the whole ordeal; talking to me during camp through great friends during a worship service or through strangers during morning session, letting me know when a certain guy just isn't right for me, hugging me when my calendar hits a certain number of days without my mom... I'm just so grateful for some people..... So, I'm not bawling my eyes out... at ALL...
