Noise

I would just like to talk about noise. My sister and I had a talk about this last night. I can't seem to fall asleep these days without playing my nerdy little radio shows or audiobooks in my ears. I can't get my brain to stop chattering long enough to fall asleep. And then during the day, it's like I can't keep my eyes open sometimes. It's not like I don't get enough sleep, I just wake up more tired than when I went to bed.

The noise around me is confusing. It's disorienting. I can't seem to get my brain in gear. I kind of want to shut it off for about a month and start over.

But noise is natural. Everything makes noise. Everyone makes noise. Noise is a part of life. When did life become so hectic that we just want quiet? I want noise. I want to hear babies giggling, or hear my favorite song on the radio, or hear someone's amazing voice singing in choir... I love noise. So why do our brains pine for quiet? It's a mystery I have yet to solve.

Any thoughts? Any comments? Please leave them below. Maybe it will help me come to some kind of conclusion :)

Tiara Tuesdays' Tragedy

It's taken me a long time to do this post.  I haven't been able to get past the fish swimming in my stomach whenever I think about it.  But I'm doing it now... no matter how many fish.

My mom passed away about a month ago.  She was the best thing I have ever had in my life.  She was my most precious possession.  Now... Now I really don't know what to do.  I have no motivation for normal life, and my emotions are going crazy.  I'm pining for people's attention and pushing people away... and I just want things to either change or go back to normal.  And the latter won't be possible.

I don't really know how I feel or when I'll feel things.  I have had so many weird emotional things.  I felt horrible during my play because I would almost always have some kind of breakdown or panic attack during rehearsal or performances.  But my cast was so amazing and helped me to settle down and make me laugh :)

I feel kind of crazy when I can't cry when I want to and I bawl my eyes out when I don't want to.  I feel crazy for wanting to have a guy's attention.  I feel crazy for wanting to punch people.  I feel crazy for just wanting to fall asleep for a year and wake up to Chinese food...  I just want to see her one more time and tell her how much I love her and hug her.  I want her to be there for my senior prom.  I want her to be there when I go on my first date, or when I make a lead in a play.  I just want her to be there.  And I need to get my head around the idea that she won't be.


And now... I want to share my mom's last biggest wish.  Below is a story I posted on the Facebook page, Tiara Tuesday.  If this story strikes you, please feel free to ask any questions you have and please, like the Tiara Tuesday page!  Make this a thing, you guys!  My mom would be proud of us for owning our royal crown :)

"This is my mother. Suzzanne Shaw died on March 26th, 2014, from breast cancer. Even while she was sick, she worried for her family. She read the Bible constantly and came up with an idea. She bought all of us tiaras and told us to use our social media to spread the word. We are children of a King. We are royalty. And we need to remember that. You do too. Please feel free to tell people about this amazing woman. She was an inspiration all the way to the end. She was the strongest, most beautiful princess I have ever known. Please guys. Make this a thing. We could change norm by taking a selfie."